by Mark Josephs (aka Mark the Mystic Activist)
This is the most intimate article I’ve ever written. In it I describe my personal experience of awakening in an interconnected world in which everything is relating with everything.
Why do I define myself as a mystic? Because I look like one? Because I’m an old man living by myself, out in the countryside, off-grid, in a caravan? Because I wash outside, and meditate and pray? No.
I define myself as a mystic because my primary moment-to-moment interest is not in what’s happening, or even in what I’m doing – but in my relationship with The Totality (by whatever name).
When somebody prays, they feel they are in relationship with The Totality / God / Goddess / Great Mystery – obviously. But when somebody meditates deeply and “becomes one with everything”, there’s still the “with” word. That´s to say – there’s still a feeling of being in relationship.
I am interested in this relationship. I am interested in living in this relationship.
But first: the difficult question (and you might not like the answer!): is this relationship real? I might feel I am in relationship with The Totality, or my Idea of God or The Goddess – but does It feel Itself to be in relationship with me? Or (to be blunt): am I just imagining it?
I could give you clever answers about the infinite, interconnected complexity of existence, and the necessity of a coordinating intelligence – but any intellectual answer is only as reliable as the intellect. And the human intellect is clearly limited.
So let me be honest. I spend my days feeling I am in communion with The Totality. But am I really? I have no idea! Nor do I know how I could know!
I could make an appeal to the objectivity of intuition (“I just somehow know it to be true”), or to the objectivity of emotion (“I know it to be true because I can feel it”) – but, again, let’s be honest (otherwise what’s the point of discussing these matters: to just affirm each other’s preconceptions?): like the intellect, our intuitions and emotions are also subjective, conditioned and fallible.
But the exact same doubts about the reality of our perception apply to everything. How can we be certain of anything?! We perceive everything through limited, subjective, conditioned, fallible faculties! Does your lover love you? They say they do. You feel they do. But do they really? Can you prove it? No.
The truth of the matter, I believe, is that the only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty. Or, as Socrates reportedly declared: “I am the wisest of all, because I know I don’t know”.
We live in The Unknown. We don’t know where we are, or why. We don’t even perceive the world directly, but see its reflection on the screen of the mind – and therefore can’t even be certain of its reality. And so on.
So what to do? As Alan Watts said, “you´ve got to place your bet”. Your life is your betting chip, and you have to decide where to place it – whether on Universal Meaning or Universal Meaninglessness or Hedonism or Moralism or Guru Whoever or That Book… There are, of course, plenty of options.
So I have placed my bet, yes – on an ever-deepening relationship with The Totality. And as well as following Alan Watts’ advice, I also follow Joseph Campbell’s advice to “follow your bliss”. And he’s not talking about pleasure-seeking – he’s talking about something less easily defined: following that which makes our heart sing, following “the call of the soul” (John O’Donohue), following “the innermost decision that we cannot but obey” (Leonard Cohen).
I follow my bliss. And as I follow, the bliss increases! Does that prove the reality of Relationship with The Totality? (“You see – the relationship must be real, because the bliss just grows and grows!”) Not at all. It might just be that my hallucinatory state is expanding!
But what, for me, is this experience of relationship really like? I say it’s blissful. What else? What do I actually experience? What’s it like, for me, here in The Unknown, having placed my life-bet on the possibility of a real, reciprocatory relationship with The Totality?
The devotees of Krishna, the Sufis, and Christian mystics like Teresa of Avila and John of The Cross have all spoken of an erotic connection with The Totality. And I make this ‘appeal to authority’ (“you see, it’s not just me!”) because I am aware that people who speak about Sex with God (to be direct) can be easily misunderstood, and easily dismissed.
I don’t know exactly what …